3-27-03: Two wine bottles - "Yeah, I guess I've really mellowed with age." (Szyszka)
10-24-03: Skunk - "Hey kid, pull my finger!" (Szyska)
12-16-03: "I guess you may have noticed I been using the Suave shampoo." (Szyszka)
2-10-04: Cruel genetic mutant kids. "Hey, 'Two Eyes'! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" (Szyszka)
2-17-04: "Hello, I'm Russell Crowe and I've felt the need to attach myself to a new project: The Stair Master and Commander." (Szyska)
2-28-04: "Y'know, it's not what you make that matters... it's what who you KNOW makes." (Szyszka)
3-2-04: Apples - "Happy anniversary, honey!" "Uh.. don't you think gettin' me a juicer is just a little on the passive-aggressive side?" (Szyszka)
3-23-04: Two flies - "Hey, Herbie ... I think I stepped in something." (Szyszka)
4-28-04: "I wanted to attend the codependency workshop but I couldn't find anyone to go with me." (Parkin)
5-3-04: "One of my biggest regrets is getting this stupid roaming plan." (Palmer)
5-15-04: "So, remember, fashion freaks, animal prints are OUT this year, and solids are in, in, in!" (Szyszka)
5-21-04: Big, tough Pikachu -"You wanna take my kids outta your pocket?" (Szyszka)
5-27-04: Bob mistakenly stumbled across the fountain of Truth, which proclaims: "Not only are you getting old, but you're gettin' kinda chunky." (Szyszka)
6-12-04: I see you've got freckles...I just have the one. (Szyszka)
6-19-04: Dog - "I guess you might say I specialize in lawn ornaments." (Szyszka)
6-22-04: "You like sun-dried tomatoes, right? Well, dis is sun-dried chicken. Guaranteed four days in the sun, minimum. (Nino)
6-26-04: "I met this nice girl named Angela and gave her my phone number, but she hasn't called me yet." "Give it a rest, Bob! That was in '93." (Parkin)
7-7-04: Bad hints from Heloise - "Lady bugs really spice up a salad." (Little)
7-17-04: Tired of paying too much for high-falootin' gourmet coffee? Then try Tasteless Choice! (Signature Illegible)
8-10-04: Paint brushes - "Yeah, and you KNOW he's gonna take all the credit." (Szyszka)
8-14-04 : Giant fish - "Well, lucky, lucky you! I'm in a bitin' mood!" (Szyszka)
8-20-04: "Dude, where's my carb?" (Rocco)
8-21-04:"Awright, move along, buddy ... nothin' to see here." (Parkin)
8-24-04: The Leeches at home. (Szyszka)
8-31-04: Another small step in America's fervent quest to poodle-ize the world. (Mckinley)
9-4-04: The Dog Whisperer - "If you could just shut it up long enough, I might be able to cure the stinking, wretched thing's brain." (Apparantly drawn by a guest artist. Click here to view a side-by-side comparison.)
9-7-04: Queer Eye for the Homeless Guy: "Okay, we're gonna paint your box, tweeze your nose, burn your clothes..." (Martin)
9-13-04: The Hamsters at home: Y'know Wendell ... just once , I'd lie to read the morning paper before you shred it with your incisors." (McKinley)
10-6-04: Psychiatrist to cow - "Where does all this self-loathing come from, Elsie?" "I'm lactose-intolerant, Doc." (parkin)
10-19-04: "What is this, Al, another one of your lame, get-rich-quick schemes?" "Are you casting aspersions on my Pet Stick?" (Martin)
10-20-04: "Like I said: All displays of bodily piercings will results in school suspension." (Wolfe)
10-27-04: Aliens - "Okay, hold still, son ...you've got a satellite in your eye." (Szyszka)
10-28-04: "We may have fried the wrong muppet, Al. DNA tests show the real killer was more of a cotton-poly blend." (Mckinley)
10-30-04: "I'm sorry, Bob. I was cleaning it and it went off." (Szyszka)
11-1-04: Martha Washington didn't mind the open-mouth kisses ... it was pickin' out the splinters that got on her nerves. (Szyszka)
11-30-04: Mel's No-Pest Jumpsuit: a big summertime favorite. (Parkin)
12-9-04: "Excuse me ... can I have the time, roughly?" "Sure! It's (physical violence ensues) 12:45!" (Nino)
12-22-04: Ichabod Crane with pumpkin head - Girl: "No, no... I swear, it's not that. I just can't date a man named Ichabod." (Szyszka)
12-25-04: Rudolph is arrested - Santa:"But officer! His nose is always that color!" Cop:"Yeah. Yeah. Tell it to the judge!" (Szyszka)
1-6-05: What's Up With Mozart - "What's the secret of my beguiling compositions? I like to say: If it ain't baroque, don't fix it." (Palmer)
1-14-05: Sheep - "Whoa, Cedic! I dig the 'fro!" (Szyszka)
1-18-05:Cop - "I'm gonna have to ticket you ... yer car's parked in a fire lane." (Szyszka)
1-20-05: "Now that's what I call SOME follow-through." (Szyszka)
1-28-05: Something in his appearance told Francine that Siegfried had been dumped many times before. (Szyszka)
2-4-05: Dogs at bar - "I sniffed the little one. He's totally hot." (Moffin)
2-5-05: Alien disco - "Okay, you in the back with the big eyes... you can go in." (Szyszka)
2-12-05: Psychiatrist on ledge - "Oh, hello, Mr. Quigman ... would you mind having your session out here today?" (Szyszka)
3-2-05: Psychiatrist - "You're not showing good progress, Mr. Quigman! You need to let go of some of the things you're holding onto! GIMME!" (Detmers)
3-9-05: Mummies - "you ever get that 'not-so-fresh' feeling?" (Szyszka)
3-16-05: "You watch yerself, Ardell ... that old, expired milk'll turn on ya." (Parkin)
4-20-05: Help me, I have panhandlers elbow. (Parkin)
4-25-05: "I can tell you're getting excited about this ... you're getting goose bumps!" "Well, actually, I am a goose, so... my skin just feels like that." (Bonno)
4-26-05: "Listen, honey, it's a youth industry. I'm sorry, but sixteen is way past ingenue!" (Szyszka)
5-3-05: Since the dawn of caller I.D., Bob had lost all hope of ever having a second date. (Szyszka)
5-7-05:"I want to get in touch with my inner self. .. but the line's always busy." (Little)
5-18-05: Horse - "So the whole time I'm racin', I notice her eyein' up my jockeys." (Szyszka)
5-24-05: "I don't know, Doc ... I have this overwhelming fear of being tied down." (Szyszka)
5-25-05: "Looks like flesh-searing heat all week, except for Thursday, when it inexplicably dips to tepid." (Szyszka)
5-31-05: Spider - "I feel like I'm just hanging by a thread, doc." (Szyszka)
6-4-05: "I can't believe he's leaving! He must have seen my trick lip." (Szyszka)
6-11-05: "Nice dimple." "Oh, naaa ... that's just an old, infected piercing hole." (Szyszka)
7-8-05: "Dude, you know if people were chickens, nobody would ever egg anybody's house." (Szyszka)
7-9-05: Poverty Barn - "Hey, c'mon! I took the glitz off for ya! today only, I got a deal on cans and barely used wallets!" (Szyszka)
7-12-05: Fish - "Oh, please! Check out Mr. Hoity-Toity over there with his bottled water!" (Szyszka)
7-13-05: Francine's last resort: the hamburger-shaped Bobzapper. (Szyszka)
7-14-05: "I never realized how beautiful your eyes were until I saw my reflection in them." (Szyszka)
7-15-05: "I'm just not satisfied with my chakra alignment." (Szyszka)
7-21-05: Plastic Surgery Outlet - "Do you people do brain enhancements?" (Parkin)
7-25-05: The Boxer Rebellion - "Remember men, we're fightin' for our Constitutional right to wear undergarments with that loose, roomy feeling! Don't shoot until you see the whitie-tighties!" (Szyszka)
7:26-05: Marnie grows uneasy when she begins to suspect that her Oompa-loofa might possibly be alive. (Rocco)
7-28-05: "Now that we've been together a while, Maureen, I think you should know ... I'm not really a famous hockey star. I'm a toothless hick." (Szyszka)
8-10-05: Car salesman - "So! What's your price range today?" "Well, today's it's anywhere between free and you payin' me!" (Parkin)
8-12-05: Running Sky was saddened when he discovered someone had drank the beers he'd floated in the creek. (Szyszka)
8-15-05: The Dukes of Martha's Vineyards (Hodges)
8-17-05: "As a hillbilly, I don't think you're adjusting very smoothly here, Zeke. I'm going to have to release you from the account executive position." Zeke - "Wrassle ya fer it, boss!" (Parkin)
9-2-05: "Get ready to lose weight! I'm Susie and this is my assistant, Terry the Tapeworm!" (Rocco)
9-3-05: Following in the skid marks of their parents, kids get caught up in 'tricycle rage'. (Szyszka)
9-8-05: The oil crisis goes to level green. Bush - "Hey! We don't have to depend on foreigners for oil. We could just drill into this olive!" (Lerner)
9-9-05: "I can't believe you're so thin. Every time Isee you you're chewin' on a cookie!" "It's the same cookie, and it's made of rubber." (Szyszka)
9-13-05: Lost & Found - "I lost my temper." (Szyszka)
9-15-05: William Morris the Cat (Rocco)
9-21-05: Zombie Dating Service - "I'm looking for a woman with brains." (Szyszka)
9-30-05: "Check it out, Jennifer! Thanks to global warming we now have beachfront property!" (Flatow)
10-5-05: "It's always 'Quasimodo this' and 'Quasimodo that'. Well, I gotta name! It's Humpy! And without me, you'd be nothing! so introduce me to the chick!" (Szyszka)
10-11-05: Recreation Time in Rehab - "We've all been there, Marcie. The first six steps are always the hardest." (Parkin)
10-18-05: "Hey! Check it out! Baby's got back!" (Szyszka)
10-22-05: Francine induces labor in Bob. (Carlin)
10-26-05: Times were so bleak that the only way bob could experience a warm fuzzy was to clean out his lint trap. (Brown)
10-27-05: She: "Are your dreadlocks moving?" He: "Don't be silly. Those aren't dreadlocks. That's my caterpillar ranch." (Szyszka)
10-31-05: "I'm sorry you don;'t feel well, honey (Dracula) but how do you expect me to make my spaghetti without garlic?" (Rocco)
12-19-05: "Thank god you're here, Smokey! Hey! Why are you using that flame thrower?" "Smokey's dead. I'm his evil twin, Arsonie." (Mckinley)
12-22-05: Frosty, the Abominable Snowmaniac. (Szyszka)
1-7-06: Police line-up with nerds - "So which one of dese guys tampered with your bits?" (Szyszka)
1-10-06: Butterfly - "I don't know, doc ... I have this overwhelming fear of being pinned down." (Szyszka)
1-23-06: "I wouldn't worry about it, Frank. With a personality like yours, you're in no danger of identity theft." (Culbert)
1-24-06: "Try to calm down, ma'am. Now just exactly how was the steak smothered?" (Parkin)
1-30: "Alright, maybe you're not giving me the full-on tough love, but it sure feels chewier than usual." (Rocco)