11-2-09: Actually, just about anything is an option, but in this case it's a rationalization... Buddy.

BTW, Welcome to episode #643 of "Quigmans Puppet Theatre", the only comic strip on Earth that also functions as a puppet show because the artist is too lazy to draw the whole scene.

11-3-09: Everyone is different?

That's... normal, isn't it?

Hell, even ants, bees and the Chinese can tell each other apart.

Once again, Buddy is beset with the Lebanese Fry Cook syndrome. Symptoms includes almost, but not quite being able to understand the English language.


Regurgitation Report: This makes the 151st re-used Quigmans comic for 2009. The all-time record was 182 re-used Quigmans in 2008.

Will Bucky beat his old record?

Ooooh!

The suspense is.... boring me.

11-4-09: "He"?

A male nanobot?

A nanobot with a functioning set of male reproductive organs?

It could have been much worse, Freddy, (Think "Bukake!") but never as bad as this premise.


Regurgitation Report: I don't know which is worse... the gag itself or Bucky actually thinking it's less disturbing the second time around.

11-5-09: Technical note: Mosquitoes don't "bleed" you. That's a medical term. Mosquitoes simply suck.

Hickerson, suck thyself.

BTW, if ever there was a cartoon worthy of an ironic comment, this would be it as, ironically, Gwen is sucking our protagonist dry.

Way to blow an opportunity there, Bucky. Or suck an opportunity... or something.


Regurgitation Report: And the sucking continues.

11-6-09: Bucky Hinkerton, genius creator of the Queegsmans, is trying to say that Hello Kitty doesn't eat or drink or talk or perform oral sex or scream for help as your  jab her eyes out with a dessert fork and destroy her nervous system with injections of industrial solvents, so that makes her the perfect date.

Whatever you say, Bucky.

11-7-09: Satan is reputedly capable of much mischief, like removing paint off doors, but there's no clear evidence he screws around with the weather. That's just an old wive's/dumb collaborator's tale.

BTW, Bucky, thanks for drawing the Devil in such extreme close-up. We'd have never guessed who this was otherwise.

Sloth alert: Gag written seven years ago by Joey "What have you done for me lately?" Waldon.


Regurgitation Report: I guess Bucky ran short of Zip-A-Tone back in 2002 when he was shading the door in this picture and said to himself "Screw it!  No one will ever see this cartoon again."

Guess he was wrong.

11-9-09: In other words, she's a cranky asshole.

Yeah, that's certainly unusual.


Regurgitation Report: I see Bucky's hit a small vein of old 2004 Queegsmans cartoons after veering into 2005 and 2006 reruns for awhile. Not that it helps, as every vintage of Queegsman has the same approximate bouquet of rancid tennis shoes.

11-10-09: I would be very safe in saying that there is no one in the comics world that resorts to fat jokes more often than Bucky Hinkerton, genius creator of the Queegsmans comic strip. Good thing there's no actual joke here or someone might be offended.


Regurgitation Report: Back on 6-14-06 this Queegmans cartoon to your left, this much more carefully drafted cartoon (as though Bucky still gave a damn about his work) appeared offering essentially the very same joke as today's cartoon. The caption in this particular case was:

"For the last time, I don't need to lose weight. I'm a jumbo shrimp."

Yes, Bucky, "jumbo shrimp" is an oxymoron. We know. We get it.

"Bucky Hinkerton is a moron" is not an oxymoron. It's simply something I enjoy saying every day. Every. Single. Day.

11-11-09: Man, that's a long way to go for one measly "bare with us" pun.

I mean a long, long way. Really long. Long.

BTW, nudists tend to spend a lot of time outdoors, otherwise they'd just be like the rest of us, I.E. watching reruns of "Who's the Boss" naked. So only genius cartoonist Bucky Hinkerton knows why this nudist colony is building an arena rather than a olympic-sized wading pool.


Regurgitation Report: I see Bucky's re-use of old Queegsmans cartoons from 2004 is in heavy rotation again. Considering that the first 200 or so from 2004 had to be the "good" ones it's no wonder the latest ones reek.

11-12-09: Another senseless punchline.


Regurgitation Report: This sucker's originally from 1999, and was used again in 2004. I swear, these cartoons get retched-up so often Bucky needs to re-title this cartoon "The Ipecacs".

And it's the Lamer Trifecta as each version of the cartoon was syndicated by three different syndicates along the way... LA Times Syndicate in '99, Tribune Media Syndicate in '04 and Creators Syndicate in '09. Makes you wonder which syndicate will draw the black Queegmans bean in 2015.

11-13-09: You know the old line, "It's funny 'cause it's true?"

Well, this isn't true.


Regurgitation Report: Not only was this cartoon used previously in 2002 but I'd also point out the Quigmans cartoon below, one that already been used twice.

It's the same premise except in reverse.

So BuddyHickerson is in the unique position of having created a joke from both ends of the spectrum and failed to make it funny in either case.

That's our Buddy.

11-14-09: Just as in the Family Circus and For Better or For Worse the comedy always reaches new heights of hilarity when the characters begin menacing each other with cutlery.

That's sarcasm, y'see.

Also, in case ya hadn't noticed, this was the first original Quigmans cartoon all week. I sure hope you weren't expecting much because you certainly didn't get it.

11-16-09: Tee-hee, Buddy just made a little sex joke. Isn't he just TERRIBLE.

No, really, he's terrible. As in "disembowelment" terrible. As in "President Palin" terrible. As in "fish-hooks in your eyeballs" terrible. As in "baby down the garbage disposal" terrible.

Okay, maybe not "President Palin terrible", as nothing's that bad, but you know what I mean.



Sloth Alert: Ah, another off-the-cuff remark uttered by Buddy's amazingly unhumorous gal-pal Angela Gygi that he has, yet again, painfully been unable to wrest out the barest molecule of jest.

11-17-09: Have you ever watched a movie and the plot is total and utter bowel squeezin's, and you ask yourself why anyone in their right mind would go to all the time, trouble and expense of actually making it?

So it is with this cartoon. Buddy Hickerson, genius cartoonist, actually wasted an entire hour of his life rendering the art for this senile remnant of a gag. It indicates how little Buddy thinks of his own time, not to mention how little thought he gives to what he creates.

I'd like to suggest that you can do better than this, Bud, but the weight of historical evidence suggests otherwise.



Sloth Alert: Let me remind you good folks that it took two people, two sentient beings to come up with this methane blast of a gag and, yes, Angela Gygi has struck again.

For Mithra's sake, as this is the second flaccid wheeze from dear little Gygi in a row, please please PLEASE don't let this mean we have a whole week of this random, pedestrian, spew-of-consciousness crapola to look forward to. Amen.

11-18-09: Another classic example of Buddy throwing around meaningless technical jargon and hoping they'll stick, but none of this makes a lick of sense. Even if the "interface" and "connection" terms were mild double entendres they're still dead-on-arrival as no woman worth her floppy discs wants a high-speed romantic anything.



Regurgitation Report: I have to say, I'm disappointed.

The past two days the gags were written by the lurvely, though humor-challenged, Quigmans-acolyte Angela Gygi. I was so hoping to see another lame Gygi joke so that I could have another opportunity of ridiculing it within an inch of its measly life, but it looks like her limitless resource of yuks only goes two bon-mots deep.

But, no, it's just another five year old rerun.

Pity.

11-19-09: Screw this "shamefully humbled" crappola.

Even as a jaded adult I'm still wildly enthusiastic about the proposition of unfettered Jacksons. Lay them yuppie food coupons on me toot-sweet, pops!



Regurgitation Report: So, class, what do we call it when Bob Quigman appears in a cartoon these days??

Yes, it's another recycled Quigmans cartoon, as Buddy LONG ago put the artistic kibosh on rendering its titular sad-sack.

And it is, of course, another tripple-loser as each time this cartoon has appeared it was under the esurient auspices of a different syndicate. Three in all.

Yes, no one loves the Quigmans. Even Buddy.

11-20-09: If the comics were food the Quigmans would be a Taco Bell burrito. I.E., food in name only.

The strips is also like a bowel movement as it shows up every day but we're all anxious to forget about it as quickly as possible.



Regurgitation Report: And here's a Quigmans cartoon that's only four years old. That's considered creme' fraiche for Buddy.

11-21-09: The sandwich also seems to have legs and a working neuromuscular system. Ahhh, but that's hardly remarkable at all. Happens every day.

And is the sandwich itself attacking a small city in the background or is itslowly slipping off the menu illustration?

And pardon me if I'm spending more time on this stupid comic than it's worth, but how does the tail factor into anything? Why does more meat mean it warrants a tail, too.



Regurgitation Report: There are times that I look at the current Quigmans cartoons and I can't remember if it was an old one or not. Such is the case today, as it's from 2005, so thank goodness for good record-keeping.

This subjective amnesia is no doubt the result of my subconscious doing its level best to protect my fragile mind from on-going damage as a consequence of having to read the Quigs daily.

Which also explains why Buddy uses so many old strips as even HIS shriveled mind can no longer tolerate the crappy little sonsabitches.

11-23-09: Note to Buddy: The Thing is a nice guy. The Hulk is an uncontrolled force of nature. Now, guess how you totally fucked this cartoon up?

Yes, that's right, by simply drawing it.

PS, look up the word "tragic". It doesn't mean what you think it means.

Bon appetit, everybody!

11-24-09:  "UNABLE TO WRITE A DECENT GAG? What do MEAN I'm unable to write a decent gag? I oughta re-use an OLD CARTOON!"



Regurgitation Report: You know, the reason I put these little thumbnails down here, recording the actual art Buddy used in the previous incarnation of the cartoon, is to mollify the small handfull of individuals who have, in the past, requested proof of Buddy's slackery.

So, here you are. Proof that Buddy Hickerson is unequivocally the laziest cartoonist in all of syndication. The only cartoonist with a heartbeat whose works have been recycled more than once.

11-25-09: Buddy Hickerson, cartoon genius, lives in California. That explains why his jokes are half-assed as his significant other got all the good stuff.

Parrum-shhhh!



Regurgitation Report: Is this July of 2004? It's not? Coulda fooled me. This cartoon is originally from July 3, 2004 and earlier this month Buddy re-used one from July 2nd.

11-26-09: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

It was evidently too much effort for Buddy to create a special holiday Quigmans as he apparently instead chose an illustration from "The Boys Big Book of Cliches" so allow me to invite you to visit The Far Left Side for a cartoon with a little holiday flavor to it.

Enjoy the food/game/shopping/sleeping, everyone! See you on Black Friday!

11-27-09: Actually, it IS that. Therefore the woman is insulting the intelligence of both characters in the cartoon plus the person reading it.

Good job, Buddy. And I mean that. I swear.



Sloth Alert/Regurgitation Report: Since this cartoon is from 2004, and Buddy's used a buttload of cartoon's from that year lately, this means the lazy little shit is actually having to expend a little effort to find a cartoon that hasn't been re-used.

Don't hurt yourself or anything, Buddy.

Actually, hurt yourself all you want. What the hell do I care?

To make matters a teensy bit worse, the joke was written by Buddy's paramour of years gone past, lil' Angela "Ruler of the Cartoon World" Szyszka.

11-28-09: If there was a Constitutional amendment to banish fat jokes Buddy Hickerson, cartoon genius, would now be working at a Taco Bell.

Judging by his recent output, both new and re-used, who's to say he isn't?



Regurgitation Report: As you can see, this cartoon's been around... and around, and around.

Also, this recycled Quigmans cartoon features good old Bob Quigman, which guaranteeing its antiquity as Buddy don't draw no Bob no more.

11-30-09: As I recall, the Pet Rock craze made its creators a butt-load of money. Who's to say a "Pet Stick" project wouldn't succeed similarly?

But Buddy Hickerson, cartoon genius, thought the Quigmans were the way to financial security, too, so it's not surprising that'd he'd miss the point of his own parody.



Regurgitation Report: Well, we had a happy, pleasant, fretless Quigmans-free Sunday but now it's back to "work" for Buddy, if you call work pulling something out of your ass and changing the date before handing it off to the syndicate.


Sloth Alert: This is another example of a cartoon so pedestrian it could only be created by a committee. In this case, Buddy drew it and someone named "Martin" wrote it.