4-1-09: I have a confession to make... I'm really a very good friend of Buddy Hickerson. I always have been. This web site, in fact, was his idea from the beginning. He'd hoped its inflammatory content would cause some controversy in the comic reading community and would, hopefully, drum up additional support for the Quigmans. But the market just never embraced his unique brand of humor and so he limped along in 37 papers until the last. The dream is now over.

In case you hadn't heard Buddy Hickerson died of complications from AIDS today at 3:41 PM in Mount Sinai hospital in Los Angeles. He was surrounded by friends and family when the end came and I was proud to have held his hand as his spirit gave itself up to Jesus. Hallelueah. Amen. Goodbye my dearest friend. You were my lover and you were my life. We will never forget you. I will never forget you.

The last Quigmans cartoon will be printed on April 18th.  That's approximately 17 days after April Fools Day. I hope you understand what that means.



Regurgitation Report: Some habits die hard, ya know?

4-2-09: Good evening and welcome back to "That's A Lotta Stupid!", and tonight we have a doozy. This very stupid Quigmans cartoon. So without further ado, let's get stupid, shall we?

(1) Humans, from a purely biological standpoint, do not pollute.
(2) Earl is not literally a vehicle, although he is a vehicular tool for this stupid gag.
(3) There's no slavery in this country, unless you work for Wal-Mart, so good luck with that, Enid.
(4) The government doesn't need another blubbery, empty-headed tool to contend with. They already have Rush Limbaugh for that.
(5) $1000 is not enough to correct a supraorbital maloclusion, Madame Cockeye.
(6) Stupid people are only funny to other stupid people. This is just sad, in a stupid way.
(7) It's stupid to see women using lumps of Play-Dough as hair.
(8) It's stupid when an artist is too lazy to draw eyes.

And, finally:

(9) This stupid cartoon.

See you next week on "That's A Lotta Stupid!"



Regurgitation Report: And so, the rape of 2005 continues, unabated.

4-3-09: By all appearances those two big trees are performing exactly the function for which this guy planted them. Now he's resting in a comfortable hammock, in the shade on a spring day, reading a book and sipping a soda. What could be more enviable?

He's not, by contrast, sitting in a dank, musty basement, swilling cheap Mexican beer while jerking-off to bit-torrented Asian shemale-on-shemale videos downloaded from Russian porn sites.

It seems to me that the only significant problem this guy has is the harpy to whom he unfortunately finds himself shackled.



Regurgitation Report: I'm too tired to count how many Quigmans comics from 2005 that Bucky has so far recycled this year. Let's just say, oh, 137,318.

4-4-09: First, unless he's going to eat her, what difference does nutrition make in a relationship?

Second xylitol, sorbitol, maltitol, stevia, saccharine, aspartame, sucralose, neotame and acesulfame potassium are all sweet, yet contain no, or very few, calories. You can literally have cake, eat it and not worry about diabetes... although you might eventually drop dead from cancer.

Finally, That's an awfully fat guy for a nutritionist, dontcha think?



Regurgitation Report: Oh, look, Bucky's being cute. He picked a Quigmans cartoon from exactly five years ago to re-use, this one originally appearing April 4, 2005.

4-6-09: Holy. Fucking. God.

Dude, Lassie herself couldn't find the joke in this Quigmans if you spotted her a bloody XXXL t-shirt, a box of cat-flavored Milk-Bones, a Google map and a GPS.

I hate to invoke his name under these disgusting circumstances but noted cartoonist James Thurber used to create premises like this one. Except that his punchlines took a more amusingly whimsical approach. Mr. Thurber isn't with us any longer so I'll take a stab at it:

"Thankfully, that dreadful Steve Irwin incident is behind us. Now all we're concerned about is whether or not to raise the children as Jews."

4-7-09: There's only one thing you can safely say about this situation:

Homey be pimpin'.

Beginning 4-8-09 Buddywatch took a four-month hiatus in order to enjoy life more fully. Please proceed to the September edition for more delightful Queegmans bashing. Nice to see you all again, too.